Win The Girl

Winning The Girl

The Dating Formula

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I was recently on a plane with an older couple who enjoyed chatting. At one point in the conversation I asked them how long they had been married. The answer was ‘Dating for 26 years.. and married for 24.’ That really stuck with me. I’ve had relationships end because after several years of dating, I start to treat the relationship as if it’s an assumption that we will stay together. I love the idea that marriage isn’t the big deal, dating is the big deal. There are plenty of people who have been married forever, but are unhappy. None of us want that. The secret is to never stop dating your partner. focus on dating your partner, always.

So with this theme, I put on my blazer with elbow patches, went to the chalkboard and spent weeks crunching the numbers. After hundreds of proofs I have come down to this formula: I have created with the “Dating Formula”

n+1=Date Quantity where n=the current number of dates you have taken her on.

So the perfect number of dates is one more than however many you have been on. By now you should know that there is no perfect formula that applies to all women for all dates, because everyone is different. While one woman will enjoy the ‘Indoor Beach’ date, another will think it’s a sad reminder that you aren’t going to Hawaii. It is true that as long as you both love each other this formula will apply to everyone.

The idea here is that you should always have the next date planned. In the first year of dating, this seems really obvious, but by the time year four rolls around, it often just goes by the wayside. I thought this was an issue I would never suffer from, after all I run this blog, but that’s a false assumption. We all can become complacent. So here’s your cheerful reminder to always make sure you’ve been dating longer than you’ll be married.

The Hike

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Some women like to backpack, some like to camp, some like to hike and some think those are just activities for the homeless. This article won’t apply to that last group.

I’ve always been an avid backpacker. I love the beauty of the wilderness and the connection you can develop with people when you are cut off from the internet and all the random distractions of life. There’s something primal and wonderful about just being in nature with the person you love. I have always thought that hiking for a date was simple and straightforward, but I recently learned that I was doing it wrong, so I thought I’d share some learnings.

1. Pick the Right Distance and the Right Pace
I can easily hike 14 miles in a day, I’ve summited a quarter of the mountains over 14,000 ft in the US. It’s very easy for me to forget that others may not have the experience that I have. The first time I took my girlfriend backpacking I invited a professional couple who had a camping background similar to my own. My attempt to help make her feel more comfortable by including another couple backfired. I spent most of the trip begging the other couple to slow down and pushing my girlfriend to speed up. In the end it was a negative experience for everyone. I hurt both my friends and my girlfriend. In retrospect we should have gone alone and for a much shorter distance.

2. Bring Supplies
This is the space where you have to know the girl. Does she like Doritos or Lychee candy? Will she need 6 liters of water or will one bottle be enough for her? (Emphasis here- my girlfriend needs roughly 6 times the water I need). Are you hiking where it might rain? Do you need hand warmers? Will she need sunscreen? That’s just scratching the list that you need to think through before heading out on your hiking trip. Also, you should assume that you will be carrying this gear, unless you know she expects to split it with you, in which case you won’t want to offend her by suggesting that you should be carrying everything. I’m going to include my packing list below, but you should add or subtract depending on the girl and the destination.

3. Go Somewhere Awesome
The greatest thing about hiking is that you can go truly beautiful places. The summit of Half Dome in California, Punch Bowl Falls in Oregon, Mt. Evans in Colorado and Havasu Falls in Arizona have been some of the most moving places I have ever been. If you’re going to be dirty and sweat together, you might as well be going somewhere earth shatteringly beautiful. This one is going to require some Google-ing on your part and even a phone call to the ranger station, but it will be well worth it.

4. Relax

I’m always on a mission in life and sometimes it’s hard for me to stop and smell the roses. But that is one of the most wonderful rewards of hiking. It’s a chance to detach from our day to day lives and truly enjoy into the beauty of nature. Enjoy your time, stop often to appreciate a beautiful view, hold hands, have a picnic in a unique place. I once didn’t keep pace with my partner- that a huge mistake. Don’t do that! Hiking can be a time to learn new things about each other and experience an adventure!

My Hiking Checklist:
• Map (with protective case)
• Compass
• Weather Appropriate Clothing (don’t bring sandals to a snow hike)
• Sunscreen
• SPF-rated lip balm
• Sunglasses
• Headlamp or flashlight
• First-aid kit
• A lighter or matches in a waterproof container
• Firestarting material (I use dryer lint)
• Knife or multi-tool
• Food for the day, plus extra food
• Water bottles or hydration reservoir
· Daypack
· Energy beverages or drink mixes
· Lunch utensils
· Drinking cup
· Quick-dry towel
· Insect repellent
· Whistle
· Binoculars
· Trekking poles
· Route description or guidebook
· Interpretive field guide(s)
· Outdoor journal with pen/pencil
· Bag for collecting trash
· Post-hike snacks, water, towel, clothing change
· Two itineraries: 1 left with friend + 1 under car seat

Movie Night: Drive-In Theater

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Tips for Making your drive-in date a success. To find your local drive-in, use google or this website for a drive-in near you

 1. Arrive Early

This is going to be an all evening experience. Most drive-ins show double features, so this date is going to last at least three hours. You’ll want to arrive early so you can park in a location with the best view. This is also great opportunity for a picnic. Many people will bring lawn chairs or eat dinner sitting on their tailgate.

2. Prep the car

  • Pillows
  • Blanket’s if it’s going to be cold
  • Air mattress if you have a truck or SUV and your drive allows parking backwards.
  • Jumper Cables (you probably won’t need these, but you should have a set in your car no matter what)
  • Lawn chairs if you want outside of the car
  • Clean the window – it’s no fun to watch a movie though a lot of smeared bugs
  • Check to be certain your windshield wipers aren’t streaking—if you have summer thunderstorms you may need these
  • Bug spray if you’re opening the tailgate or in the back of a pickup

3. Don’t kill the car battery

Some drive-ins have  speakers that you hang on your window shield, but most broadcast the movie on a FM station, which means you have to leave your car in accessory mode. If your battery and alternator are healthy, this shouldn’t be an issue for you.  That being said, follow these steps to avoid an embarrassing situation on your date.

  • Don’t run anything besides the radio—turning the AC on is a bad idea
  • Turn your car on during the intermission between features, this will allow the alternator to recharge the battery
  • If you’ve had to jump start your car more than once, it may be time for a new battery—they never fully recover from dying.
  • If you do need to jump start your car—whip out your jumper cables and keep your cool. This a great opportunity to show off your manly car skills. If you don’t know how to jump start a car, head over to our friends at The Art of Manliness to learn how.

4. Buy concessions

Movie theater tickets feel expensive, I totally understand that. On the flipside drive-ins are a rare gem now and supporting such an institution is important. Fortunately, drive-in tickets tend to be cheaper than regular movie theater tickets. You can really support your local drive-in by buying concessions. Besides if you’re getting a double feature and making a night of it, why not splurge a little. On my most recent date to the drive-in, we spent around twenty five dollars for a double feature and enough candy, popcorn and drinks to make us both sick. At the local theater I would have paid just that to get in for a single feature.

+1up Bring a small child (sibling, niece/nephew) if you’re watching a family friendly film. You and your sweetheart can sit in the back and cuddle. You can show off how awesome you are with kids and have a good excuse for watching that Pixar film you really want to see.

Playing the Rejection Game

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To many guys, approaching a girl can be incredibly intimidating. They don’t know what to say or how to say it, and they are terrified of that 9-letter word known as “rejection”.  Rejection certainly can be scary- it hurts your self-esteem and destroys your confidence, and it definitely makes it harder to approach women in the future.

So how do you abolish your fear of rejection? The answer is quite simple- you have to face that fear, you have to embrace that fear and you have to laugh at that fear. As cliche as that may sound, it’s 100% effective. And it’s accomplished through something that I like to call the rejection game.

All you need for the game is at least one other guy friend, a five dollar bill, and a social setting with a lot of women (like a bar). The object of the game is to get rejected as many times as possible. Yes, purposely. Where does the money come in? Well, everybody puts their five bucks in the pot, and whoever has gotten rejected the most at the end of the night gets the cash!

This game is a win-win. When you approach a girl and ask her for her number, one of two things is going to happen:

  1. She says yes (you have a girl’s phone number)!
  2. She says no (you are one step closer to winning the money)!

The rejection game is a ton of fun to play. Not only will you walk away at the end of the night with either some phone numbers or a wad of cash (or both), you have a great story to tell and some confidence along with the knowledge that hey- getting rejected actually isn’t all that bad!

See, when you put your heart on your sleeve and then that sleeve gets ripped off ferociously, you get hurt. But rejection only sucks because you let it suck. You have to realize that a girl who rejects you obviously isn’t a good match for you, and there are a plethora of other girls out there who are good matches… so get to getting rejected, and tell us your stories afterwards!

The Urban Picnic

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Urban Picnics Rock

While your classic picnic in the park is always a good date idea, why not step it up a notch? If you live in a place that is close to a downtown metropolitan area, you can easily have an urban picnic for the same amount of money that going downtown and eating out at a restaurant would cost you.

So, to get things started, you need to scout for a location. Go downtown and find an open-air parking garage with a great view from the top level. If you don’t live close enough to your nearest big city to make this feasible, do some hunting on Google Maps or your smartphone’s GPS app.

Next, plan out what you’re going to eat. You can either make food at home and bring it with you, or you can pick up carry-out from your girl’s favorite restaurant (just about every restaurant offers carry-out these days, so your options are virtually limitless).

Alright- now put two and two together! Throw the food in the back of your car and take your girl to the top of the parking garage on date night. Suspended between the twinkling lights above you and the sounds of the city below, you can treat your significant other to delicious food and intimate conversation without ever having to leave the car. She’ll love it because it’s spontaneous and romantic, and there’s no doubt that it will be a memorable date.

To add a seasonal touch- if you go on your urban picnic during the summer, roll the windows down and let a gentle breeze blow through the car. If you go during the winter, make sure and bring a blanket big enough to stretch over the top of the two of you. And no matter what time of year you go, bring a CD pre-loaded with some relaxing music (like Jack Johnson or something equally soothing and acoustic).

And don’t forget- drinking and driving is never okay (even if your car is parked at the top of a parking garage), so drink responsibly and save the alcohol for when you get home!

 

Know the Girl to Know the Date

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While browsing our little corner of the internet, it’s important to keep in mind that there is no one size fits all approach to dating. As incredible as it would be for us to give you a checklist of all the things you need to do to win, date and subsequently keep the girl you’ve got your eye on, such a thing isn’t really possible.

The fact of the matter is that every girl is different, and while Ashley may love spending a day at your local amusement park, Brittany can’t handle the thought of being locked into a roller coaster. However, Brittany would get a huge kick out of barhopping downtown, whereas Ashley has never touched a drop of alcohol in her life.

Because every girl is different (which is actually a very good thing, by the way), you don’t want to go too big too soon- your first couple of outings should be very vanilla so that you and your date can get to know each other in an environment where you both feel comfortable. Coffee, dinner, a movie… these are fantastic first dates because pretty much everybody enjoys doing them.

The trick, though, is to start customizing your dates once you and your girl know each other a little better. As you and Ashley sip lattes in Starbucks, she mentions that she’s been to Disney World five times- that’s when you know that you have the amusement park date up your sleeve if things keep going well. As you and Brittany sit down for dinner, she orders a martini- now you know that she’d probably be interested in checking out some of the cool local bars that you know about.

Basically, use your vanilla dates to learn about the girl you’re with so that you can wow her with some awesome personalized dates in the future. Even if she mentions that she’s never seen Fight Club or that she loves greasy Chinese takeout, make mental notes so that you can plan things out in the future. Most importantly, though, make sure that you’re having fun too.

As always, good luck and let us know what your favorite “vanilla” first date is!